Essences for Dark and Light
This rather Plutonian post is brought to you by the Light and the Energies that be, and my own personal reflections on Shadows and Darkness.
Today I am shifting my pattern of Never Going In The Basement. Of avoiding the *thing* that catches on the corner of my eye. Of ignoring the creak of the cellar door as it comes unlocked. This is a time of year for raking up and clearing out all the corners of our living spaces - mental and otherwise.
Autumn, the Time of Dying, has come and everything is letting go, sinking under, and the natural world seems to be speeding towards its own deep sleep with a vengeance. The nights grow long and cold and there is less to distract us from the monster hiding under the bed. So, let's go introduce ourselves. Open the door; bring your brightest Light and a broom and a handful of flower essences.
These are four of, in my opinion, the "darkest" essences and ones we don't often talk a lot about. What perfect timing...
***TW - some mention of suicide, depression, abuse, anxiety***
>Cherry Plum; This is an essence I have, surprisingly, rarely seen used. It's one we rarely want to admit to needing! Even Bach seemed hesitant to write about it, "Fear of doing dreadful things... dread of losing control or being driven out of one's mind..." During a period of intense suffering, he never confessed what "dreadful thing" he felt driven to do, but we know he was in acute physical torment (his cancer was progressing fearfully) and felt he could bear the pain no longer. He was "desperate", and you can see even his fear to name the *thing*, the Thought that was provoking him to it. Cherry Plum is afraid of losing its grip on reality, afraid of being pulled beneath the waves of its own dark sea. When one is drowning, you grab a hold of anything - anything- and claw at it, clinging in a desperate attempt to save yourself. Terrified of finding nothing to cling to, Cherry Plum often won't reach out, it will slip beneath the surface and be gone. The other side of Cherry Plum you will see described is the frantic attempt at gaining control by lashing out. I have seen this essence recommended for fierce tantrums in children and adults, for abusive behavior, and for those who 'burst into violent, destructive fits'. I see not only the tendency to actually DO this, but even more specifically *the terror of BEING it*. Bach did no outrageous damage because of his pain, but he was terrified that he *would* and it was agony to him. If you are in touch at all with the Light dwelling in you, you must surely be aware of and in touch with the Darkness. When you are consistently and faithfully Doing Your Work, there will without a doubt be times when you, like a child standing with their back to the sun, become acutely aware of your Shadow. Fear of what you "might do" or who you "might be" can grab hold of your gut and settle in like a prediction. Whatever that monster is leaks into your mind and decides to hold your Light captive. Maybe you turn away from the Light all together, afraid of what it might reveal about yourself - the Truth. Sometimes Truth IS the Monster under our bed; sometimes that's the underlying theme of our nightmares and the cracking layer we are treading so carefully, afraid of breaking through and having to deal with 'down below'. The temptation here is to blow out the candle in an attempt to avoid the dark. The lines between reason and insanity seem brittle and untrustworthy. I don't understand Cherry Plum to be an essence which "switches off" our *bad side*. I understand Cherry Plum to be the million candle-power torch we arm ourselves with. We can't avoid the Dark Spaces, but we can bring Light into them. More than a life preserver when struggling at sea, Cherry Plum is an oxygen mask and diving equipment - there is sunken treasure and an entire world to be explored below the surface. Like Mercury, it allows us to safely travel the worlds above and below, and to not be paralyzed with the fear of our own cracked self. Cherry Plum creates strong boundaries and solid lines so that our self isn't eroded or blasted away - there is no invading force or shadow that can breach the wall. The agony of dread, the fear of reaching out and finding nothing to grip, not being able to hold oneself, all ease as Light returns. Bach categorized this essence as one which "Brings Light to Darkness". There is never a darkness so dark, never a monster so horrific, never an urge or a thought so unspeakable, that it won't respond to Light.
>Gorse: Choosing the Winter Solstice to begin to flower, Gorse is the Resurrection Remedy. For those who are resigned to their fate, with no will, no hope. Their 'hearts have left them' empty and motionless. Not only have attempts to get better ceased, but even the desire to be well has been extinguished. Gorse restores the natural and ferocious will to LIVE, stimulating and prodding the Life Force into movement. You can hear the remedy as you open the bottle, "One, Two, Three, CLEAR!" jump-starting the Soul. The plant itself is covered in bristles and prickers and spines that will readily draw blood. "WAKE UP!" it shouts, "COME ALIVE!". "Getting the blood moving" has been a tonic for health and wellness Forever; walking, dancing, working, laughing - getting endorphins and lymph in motion can ease a great deal of 'existential nothingness'. Gorse can spark the desire to Get Up and Get Well, to Fight, to not go quietly into the Gray Blank. This essence could be indicated for those who have taken to causing themselves pain in order to "feel something". I see this EVERYWHERE in our culture today, from memes and online jokes to pop songs and expressions. Being "dead inside" has become a fad. I'm not sure that this essence would help the faddishness of this, but a true sense of absolute numbness, the survival and preservation instincts not being active, needing to be jolted to life again, would all be strongly indicative. This is depression in the truest sense of the word; the very Life Force, the Will to Live is lacking and depressed - unable to get up the vigor it needs to keep itself going.
>Mustard: If Gorse is a steady state of deepest depression, Mustard is the very acute experience of it. Depression as a storm, a tornado that comes and goes almost inexplicably. Active depression which attacks and invades; possesses. The plant Mustard is an extremely opportunistic 'weed' which will aggressively take over an empty field in weeks. And here's the key - it's not a plant which will break ground and do the hard work, it simply moves in where there is a vacancy. It smothers and overwhelms every other feeling or sensation, carpeting the internal landscape like a conquering horde. Mustard depression finds the broken fields in us, the empty places that have been torn up but not reseeded or tended to. Digging through the shadows, under beds and behind doors, it finds those things we refused to deal with 'before' and lights them on fire with a dreadful, black flame. Broken relationships, past trauma, fear of the future, insecurity, money troubles, generational strongholds, mistakes, shame, guilt, dread, the lies we tell ourselves and others, they become All We Can See- a perfect storm that is able to literally choke out the Light. And then, just as swiftly, the storm is gone. One person I know who worked with this essence said their depression was "Sudden and Cruel" - very apt! Sudden, Cruel and Exhausting. It's something you survive and live to dread the next time. Working with Mustard might afford you the Light and Strength you need to not only withstand the storm, but to take some freaking notes. Morphing from cowering victim to equally aggressive Storm Chaser; turn the tables and USE THIS. Where are the barren places you've been neglected? Which tiny seeds of darkness are you allowing to lie dormant under your bed? What must be addressed and tended? Lay down cover crops and comfort your fields.
>Sweet Chestnut: "Victory must come to all who continue to Strive." - Dr. Bach. This is an essence for when the fight has been all but completely lost - we see the end and it is not in our favor. There are no reinforcements coming. Cries for help have gone unheard. We stand at the basement door to the underworld and know that we must Go Down. There is no escaping it. Similar to the "Rescue Remedy", Sweet Chestnut is the Lifeline that gets tied about our waist before we begin our journey. As is the case with ALL essences, this won't manipulate or override circumstance. It won't change a diagnosis or bring back a loved one or glue the shattered pieces of a heart back together. At the very center of our work with flower essences are the themes of Growth and Meaning; continuing on with purpose and will. Rather than be randomly buffeted by 80 years of trials for no real good reason other than to Survive because we're too afraid to die, we have the chance to USE these experiences to transform our very existence - to add to the Light in the world by tending and nourishing our own personal Flame. We want to die someday absolutely ABLAZE - however long we've lived - and go into our own Night as a setting Sun. Sweet Chestnut is the torch we hold as we go into the Dark Below. It's our hope of returning again as MORE than we were before. It's the echo of Deep calling unto Deep - the very depth of us reaching out to the very depth of Being. All the unanswered "Whys" and the brutal senselessness that often defines our suffering. It helps us attach meaning and hope to these times. It's not a light at the end of the tunnel - because there may be no end, but it's a Fire within us; The Light is With Us. This is such a dire state that I struggled to even write about it - it's so dark - and we don't want to look there. It's our worst "What If's" come true. But the truth is, here is the greatest potential for Transformation. Like the phoenix, this essence gives us the promise of enduring to the end - and that the end won't be buried in ash, but in a glorious explosion of renewed, regenerated and transformed LIFE. "I fear no evil - I am the shadow and the valley is Mine." Open the door, arm yourself with Light and Go Forth.
*** I am not a doctor and am not attempting to diagnose, treat or cure any disease or illness. If you are struggling with depression or have thoughts of self-harm, please seek medical attention as soon as possible. I offer these thoughts as supplemental to active care, and for educational purposes.**